For the heck of it

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Aamchi Mumbai - yeah sure!

This one's really cute and true! A true state of the "City of Dreams" - Mumbai. This article appeared in Mid-Day. Click on the headline to go to Mid-Day's web site.

MUMBAI's EIGHT COMMANDMENTS - As per Shiv Sena ofcourse!

Don’t dance!
If you go to a dance bar, you will damage the cultural texture of the state, says the home minister. Pray, what is the cultural texture of the state? If the home minister can answer that, the bar owners will be only too happy not to damage it.

Don’t read!
What you can read is no longer up to you — there are plenty of organisations for just that kind of thing, you see. And it seems they’re not big fans of The Da Vinci Code, Midnight’s Children or James Laine’s book on Shivaji. They broadly believe you are not fit to decide what to read and that the ‘wrong’ books could warp your mind. Whew, thank God for them!

Don’t play!
The Shiv Sena has decided that you must never be able to experience the excitement of an India-Pakistan match at the Wankhede. If you dare challenge their wisdom, expect to wake up to more stories of dug-up pitches. It’s the price of exercising your Constitutional right, you see.

Don’t cuddle!
Hey, what’s that hand of yours up to? Make sure it’s nothing more than a quick hug or the cop on the corner (who must have a thousand more important things to do) will pounce on you gleefully, drag you to the nearest police station and book you for indecent behaviour.

Don’t watch!
Change the channel, avert your eyes, it’s a disgusting show of skin! A wet saree scene is unnatural, EVERYONE knows that. Why even educated, learned people like college professors (not to mention community organisations) believe this sort of thing should not be televised. If you’re the kind of weirdo who wants to watch it anyway, stay put on the sofa till midnight, when curfew is lifted.

Don’t celebrate!
If you want to do something silly like show your girlfriend you love her, make sure it’s not with teddy bears and red roses on Valentine’s Day. Don’t you know Western culture is depraved? God forbid it corrupts your pure Indian heart.

Don’t look!
We obviously don’t have enough moral policing, it seems, because the railways, of all organisations, has decided to do their bit. Underwear, they said, is too dirty a word for your fragile mind, and went on a rampage when such ads sprung up on billboards. Their latest stunt is blackening Udita Goswami’s bare back in Zeher posters. We still don’t know how censorship fits into their job description.

Don’t wear!
Many Mumbai colleges have long had bans on sleeveless shirts, short skirts and anything else that’s on their list of things
that are ‘against Indian culture’.

F***ers!! And you thought Taliban and Osama Bin Laden were the ONLY terrorists!


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